How to manage money as a couple when you earn differently
By Stephanie Ferreira, Director and Financial Planning Specialist at Chartered Wealth Solutions
In many relationships, one partner earns more than the other. One may have taken a career break, started a business, faced retrenchment or simply be in a lower-paying profession. While this is completely normal, it can lead to resentment, guilt or confusion about what feels fair – especially when couples haven’t discussed how to manage the imbalance.
With the right conversations, it is possible to balance income differences in a way that feels equal, empowering and practical for both partners.
The emotional side of earning differently
An income gap doesn’t just affect the household budget – it can influence how each partner feels, behaves and communicates about money. One partner may feel guilty about spending money they didn’t “earn”. The higher earner may feel burdened by carrying most of the financial responsibility. The lower earner may feel “less than” – even when contributing in other meaningful ways.
These dynamics aren’t unusual. But they do highlight the need for honest, structured conversations about money and long-term goals. What feels fair is deeply personal, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. What matters is that both partners are heard, involved and part of the plan.
What couples are doing in practice
In my experience as a financial planner, couples manage income differences in various ways. The most common approach is to split joint expenses proportionally to income. If one partner earns more, they contribute more. Whatever’s left, each person uses for their own spending or saving.
Others prefer a straight 50/50 split, regardless of income. A few pool all their income into a shared account and pay both joint and individual expenses from there. This approach is less common and can be challenging to manage. It often requires careful budgeting and tracking, especially when it comes to things like debit orders, subscriptions or personal spending. On the opposite end, some couples don’t know what the other earns – and avoid joint planning altogether.
Finding an approach that works for both of you
The most successful couples are those who have the conversation, agree on a structure that feels fair and review it regularly. Money is deeply personal, so what feels “equal” to one couple may not feel that way to another.
Start with shared goals
Goals are a great way to align your thinking as a couple. Set short, medium and long-term goals together. Before you know it, you’ll be talking about what matters most and how you want to prioritise your money.
Maybe the focus over the next year is travel and experiences. Or perhaps it’s paying off debt, buying a new car or saving for a home. Talk about when you’d like to retire or whether one of you wants to take time off to study or start something new.
When both partners feel invested in the plan, money becomes something that brings you together – rather than something that causes stress or conflict.
Make the conversations easier
Money silence usually leads to money stress. Once your goals are clear, the conversations become easier. You’re not just talking about numbers – you’re talking about what matters to both of you.
Carve out time to discuss any concerns, ensure your spending plan aligns with your goals, agree on how expenses will be split, who’s responsible for what and how often you’ll check in.
A practical tip: Set up a joint card or account for monthly shared expenses like groceries or eating out. Each partner contributes a set amount. It keeps the admin simple – and avoids the ongoing “whose turn is it?” discussions.
Don’t attach your worth to your income
Earning less (or not at all) doesn’t mean contributing less. Raising children, supporting a partner’s career or managing the home are all valuable contributions. The way you divide financial responsibilities should reflect that. Even if one partner earns significantly more, managing money should still be a shared responsibility.
Ensure both partners have financial security
If one partner takes a career break – to raise children, start a new venture or study – consider allocating a portion of savings or investments in their name. Long-term financial security should belong to both partners, not just the higher earner. The same applies if one spouse is earning significantly less. Think long-term and consider how the current arrangement fits into your broader financial picture.
When balancing different incomes in a relationship, the most important consideration is to engage in open and honest conversations. You don’t need to earn the same to feel like equal partners. When both partners are involved, informed and secure, money becomes something you manage together – not something that comes between you. For more information, visit www.charteredwealth.co.za.